I'm so freaking sorry! + Update :D

Okay, I have been gone almost a month and that sucks big time! But I'm back now and I will really try hard to remember to blog everyday, if it's possible d: And I have something to blog about :)
The reason I have been gone is lame.. I forgot it, and every time my best friend reminded me, I just forgot about it again xD Wow..

Anyway, I have some updates :D

I took some new pics, of me of course, haha d: I'm going to upload them, comment some of them, probably all of them xD And yeah.

I took this picture 3 days ago, the 8th december :) I like it, a lot, cause I have big hair, kinda curly, but it really doesn't show up well :/ Too bad xD

Green t-shirt?..

Uhhh, one of the few times I braid my hair.. I did it that day, and it turned out ok :) 

I look at you :D:D I have so big eyes on that picture, it's freaky..

Hmm what have I been doing, well.., I have been sick :/ And I took a pic of my while I was feeling worst, guess I just wanted to see how stupid I actually looked xD Lol, I'll upload it now :D

I know! I'm like the hottest girl in the world! And the bear you can see behind me is uhm mr. Brown.. Say hi!

What about I'll make a list over the things I have been doing? Mm, good idea :P

- I was celebrating my grandpa's birthday the 4th december, he turned 75. Happy birthday grandpa! :D

- I have been out shopping for christmas presents with mom the 7th december, awesomeness..

- Then I had fun in the snow in the last two lessens of school yesterday, it was a lot of fun! Just sliding down the hills with a lot of snow and speed, whehuuu ^^

- I also cleaned my room, but I didn't last for long, so I guess I have to clean it again today :/

- I painted watermelons on my nails! It's way to awesome to explain! :D I'm thrilled about them, even thought they're a bit tasteless.. But I don't care + They remind me of summer! Yay!

I did my nails yesterday around 5 - 6 pm, so that's why the picture is so dark, sorry about that ^^

This morning I took a "close-up" picture of my hand, so it might be a little bit easier to see how the nails actually look like (:

WTF! I look like shit, sorry for uploading this picture, I shouldn't have been uploading it, when I look this bad xD.. At least the nails are awesome ;)

Close-up on 1 nail, wow.. Like it? :D

. . .

Right now I'm sitting on my chair in front of my desk.. My desk is a mess.. 32 nail polishes, 1 mobile, 2 wands (from Harrry Potter), A LOT of magazines, some school books, a water bottle, a teddybear, some The Sims 2 games, pencils, bookmarks, my iPod, 3 silver rings, 2 watches, 1 pair of earrings and 1 necklace, my mac, some chewing gum, paper towels and a camera :D

So it's like full of things that should be on my desk..

I really should clean, right now! But I just don't feel like it, cause my room is just as big a mess: Clothes on the floor, dust, school magazines, messed up bed, jewelry on every single table, hair products on the bed and the floor, my schoolbag, some pillows and teddybear on the floor, bobby pins everywhere, a filled trashcan and a blowdryer.. 

OMG! :(

Maybe I'll go hang out with my neighbor today, no idea why, just feel like it would be the right thing xD I'm sure she'll be happy if I did her nails, she always tell me how good I am.. I could make them into strawberries, it would be cool! :D

Or maybe I should just stay in my room all day, cleaning, listening to music, dance, chat, watch a movie,  read a bit.. The only baaaad thing about that is that it's what I always do in my weekends, and it starts to bore me more than anything else :/

I have a lot of homework too.. But I guess I'll do it tomorrow, I want a day of to be myself without anyone yelling and me. It sounds nice. Just having a off day.

I need to charge my mobile and iPod too.. And put some make up on, cause I look so tired :/ And that's not fun, I always feel better when I know I look okay, maybe it stupid, but that's how it is..

I noticed it in school too, the days where I raise me hand a lot and actually is a part of the class, is the days where I feel good with myself. The days where I know I don't smell of smoke, cause my mom smokes, I hate smelling of smoke.. Like I hate looking bigger than I am, and I hate wearing the same boring, light purple pullover every fucking day! But it's just so freaking cold in school, so I have too.. and I can't wash it everyday, so I know it's only like once a week I'm not smelling of smoke.

I shower everyday and take clean clothes of everyday. I do my make up and my hair everyday, and yet I feel ugly :/ It's not fun..

I feel stupid too! It's like my grades are getting worse, math is a mystery too my. I used to be really great at math. Even danish is going down, wtf! I'm soo good at danish! I only get 10's and 12's (it's the best in Denmark) and yet the teacher looks at me like I'm the stupidest of everyone in my class, I know I'm not.. But still, it really pull me down a lot these days, I'm not as happy as I used too.. 

Maybe reality hit me? Maybe I have been living in my own little dream world. Nobody likes me, I'm just me, me, me, me.. And nobody else. Just me. I do have friends and the best mother anyone ever could dreams off, still I feel alone.

It's like people are starting to turn their backs to be, letting me go, throwing friendships in the toilet. Like I'm not as good as I have been. It sucks.

My mind is messed up. My heart is messed up and it's not because I don't know who I am or what I'm feeling, cause I do know that. I just.. I'm just really sad, I feel like slipping under my blanket and just sleep away from everything. Not suicide, I would never do it or think about it, but just sleep and live in my dreams until my life is worth waking up too.

I'm tired of school I'm tired of going to med at 10.30 pm everyday and waking up at 6.30 am. I'm tired of doing homework everyday, using all my time of stuff I have to learn, but I just can't get it to stay in my brain. I forget a lot these days too. I'm stressed all the time over nothing. I'm almost getting late in school everyday, and it's not even my fault. I'm not the one being late, I'm at my best friends place 7.30-7.40 am every morning, but she's never ready and we always have to hurry to school.. It have never been like this and we're discussing and irritating each other more than ever. I just don't get it. I doesn't feel changed, and I haven't noticed if she changed.. I don't want to loose her, she's the best friend I can ever imagine, but :/

I don't even get why I feel like this, I have a great life. I have great friends. I have a great mom. I have a home and a dog. I get food everyday. I can survive, even thought we don't have any money and owe the bank more than a lot. But we make it, and my mother is fighting for me to have normal life. I have my own computer, mobile, bed, room, iPod, camera. I have whatever I need, I have more than I need.

I just want a hug.. A big and loooong hug.

- Katrine.